So Now We Have a Pair of Iron Balls ...... Brain Droppings from Ironman Muncie 70.3



The Schwag

 So last weekend Mike, Alison, and I completed the Inaugural race of Ironman Muncie 70.3 (formerly the Muncie Endurathon, one of the country's oldest triathlons), known in our house as "IronBall" because, apparently we are all 12 years old here and equate racing in Ball State University country with testicles made of iron.  Just go with it. 

Out of the swim

Lots of stuff happened here, I think I'll just randomly share them with you all.  

* For your laughter and enjoyment are my race pictures from the official site.  I'm not sure where sports photographers buy their special "Unflattering Action Lens" but I would greatly prefer  it if they switched to the "Beer Goggles Lens" next time. 

 * One of the stressy moments of the day was when the water temps were announced.  Temp at 6:30AM was 81.  They announced that since it was above 78, the race was no longer wetsuit legal, so a choice had to be made - swim with your assigned wave (my wave took off 3rd) or start last if you wanted to swim with a wetsuit and not be eligible for awards (more than an hour after the 1st wave).  Well, I wasn't going to be getting any age group award anyway, but starting later meant being way further back in the pack and right from the start and being out in the heat another hour. So the decision became much easier and I swam 1.2 miles without a wetsuit for the first time.  I get tougher all the time.  

Bike into T2



* {TMI WARNING- boys, I'd skip this one} I am ready for menopause already.  Or a hysterectomy. Not only did "Aunt Flo" appear 2 weeks early (Whiskey!Tango!Foxtrot! Seriously. ) but race morning was day 4 and I seemed to be dumping fluids pint after pint.  Choice. We got up at 530, got ready and were at the reservoir by 630.  Things had already reached EMERGENCY stage, having bypassed a disposable Diva Cup and a gigantic Tampax.  I had also soaked the pad of the bike shorts.  I was not going to make the potty line in time to salvage anything so I did what I had to do- I changed a tampon in transition as nonchalantly as I could.  We were racked by the pros who were busily reaching down their shorts to apply Chamois butter, so I guess I fit right in.  How's that for "First"??

* As I waited to go down to the start, I noticed my neighbor had a bottle of spray sunblock.  I asked her if I could use some.  She didn't answer (since she was already gone), so I took the silence as a yes and applied a few sprays to my neck chest and arms. Seriously, though, I wouldn't say no if someone asked so it was OK.

* Alison and I started in the same wave.  We found a good spot on the beach to claim for our own and we waited for the the start buzzer to sound, she leaned over and said "Have a great race, I hope you don't bleed to death."



Run out at T2

* The water at the reservoir was awesome.  Warm, clear, and not stinky or boat gas.  It was a great swim.  The lack of wetsuit was not a problem at all.  What was a problem? The swim ended at the beach, then you ran up a huge long hill, and THEN you crossed the timing mat.  Too bad the mat wasn't at the water, it would have been a much better swim time. 

* The bike was great.  Flat and fast, headwind out, tailwind back. Had a bike PR for the HIM distance.  Had a great time on the bike. Since the ladies started before all the men under 60, I got passed a LOT by fast boys on fast bikes, most of whom were nice enough to lean over and say something like "That's a purty bike" before they dropped me like a bad habit. I averaged 18.3 mph for 56 miles - very cool!

  * The bike was an out and back course in 2 directions so I saw Alison twice on the bike and she looked good.  I tried to catch her after seeing her just before the first turnaround about 10 miles, and when I saw her just before the second turnaround she had gained a bit of ground on me but not much.  I never did catch her though.  Saw Mike at about my mile 40 and and told him to hurry up and catch me.


Who's that guy yelling?

* Once I was back to the transition area, I dismounted and jogged in to rack my bike.  The heat of the day hit me when I stopped moving and the stillness set in.  I'm not sure what happened to the wind from the bike, but there was absolutely nothing moving.  I used the potty quick and got to changing shoes and hats.  I again asked my neighbor to borrow her susnscreen.  Her bike was back, but she was not around so I again took her silence as a yes and applied liberally. I also stopped at the susncreen apply-ers near Run Out for good measure, although I think the teenager applying mine just had fumes on her gloves and no actual sunscreen.

  * As I exited Run Out, I heard some guy yelling "GO JENNY!!!" I could not place him.  He yelled again.  Noticed he was wearing an older IMWI Finishers shirt. Still couldn't place him.....he looks familiar..... and then there was Kathy Fitzmaurice with an umbrella a little ways down yelling my name too.  It all came together who the guy was - Kathy's husband Adam Ball.  It really is cool to have a cheerleader you had no idea would be there.

 * The run became a shit show quick.  The temp on the road was at least 95 and there was no wind and the course was nothing but unrelenting gently rolling hills. There really was no flats to be had - we wer either headed slightly uphill or slightly downhill.  Period. Yuck. 

I gave try at running as best I could, but it was so freaking hot, my pulse would skyrocket as soon as I tried.  So i walked a lot of the 1st mile, then took water, a piece of banana, 2 icy wet sponges and a cup of ice, then gave another shot at running with a run 3/walk 2 method. It was not long before I was simply walking most of the run just to get the end. 

* I get to some dark places in my head when the run goes sour.  Disappointed in myself, I get really irritated by people who say things like "Looking great!" as they pass you.  I had a couple meltdown moments on the run, which I'll share next.

* About mile 5ish on the the course, I was patted on the back as I was walking uphill, hot, sweaty and feeling defeated.  A tall lumberjack-looking guy said "People like you inspire me!"  My immediate response was to be offended. My response went like this: People like me?  Who's that- fat people? Old ladies? Crappy runners? What?? He did not respond and kept going.......perhaps I scared the lumberjack??  Much later on the course, I got to thinking he was probably referring to the "Ironman Wisconsin" Logo that was written across the seat of my bike shorts..... (Sorry for being such a beyotch, Lumberdude, I was a little touchy about my performance when you arrived on the scene)



* At about mile 4 I saw Alison running back in, which would be about mile 9 for her.  She was on a walk break (I have NEVER seen Alison walking) and she looked hot and had a couple ice sponges under her shoulders.  You know it's rough out there when you see Alison at anything less than a steady determined run pace..... Anyway, we both headed to the middle of the road.  I should have said Good Job or something. What I actually said was "It's hot as dicks out here, Batman!"  My daintiness filter was already gone at that point.



crying as I walked, wouldn't look up

* Just as we approached the turnaround on the run course,I was passed by Triathlon Barbie and her entourage as she was giving them all a lesson while they ran about how important it is to drink cola when it's offered on the course.  As they passed me, she turned around and said "Don't you quit, you're doing great!"  I responded snarkily "I'm not quitting, just slow." She said "Great!  Don't you quit now, keep at it!"  I wanted to poke the back of her perky head, but instead just said "This ain't my first rodeo, Barbie." and kept on my way.   

*I saw Mike again about mile 7ish as he was headed out to the turnaround.  I yelled: You better hurry if you're going to catch me, WimmDogs!  (the moment called for a little bit of  WWJBD- what would Johnny Brown Do?).  Mike passed me about mile 8, looking good.  He had made up an HOUR on me at that point. Ugh.

 * It only got worse.  My back and hips were locked up tight from holding a single position on the bike for so long and the heat was wearing on me terribly.  I was in survival mode, just getting to the finish line and getting out of the sun. I was fried to a crisp and felt like I was on fire. The course was getting hotter and hotter as the day went by and the asphalt was blazing. By the end of the day it was over 98. There was no shade.  What had been shady on the way out had shifted as the day went on and was now shady on the other side of the street.

* About 2 miles from the finish, I saw one of the photographers as I was headed up a small hill.  I started tearing up, hot, hurt, and tired.  Knowing it would be a race picture, I hung my crybaby head so my hat brim covered my face.  He kept yelling "Hey Wisconsin!" to get me to look up but I wouldn't.  So stubborn sometimes.



Can I stop now please?



* If someone had come by in one the golf carts and asked me, I'd have taken a ride back in and said screw it. I was that done, and I am never willing to give up and SAG in even when I probably should.

* At mile 12.5, there was one final F*#%king hill.  At the top was a guy who was yelling the participants up...."Come on! Sack up! You should be running this! You're almost done!"  I was at my limit.  I burst into tears and sobbed "Stop yelling at me!!"  He stopped :)

* at mile 13, I was cresting the top of a hill, sobbing my eyes out like a toddler, then I turned down the lane to the finish.  It was downhill so I was jogging it in, biting my lip to suppress the tears.  There were Mike and the Viemeisters (cool!) and Mike is yelling "It's all worth it, you get a cool hat!!!).  That cracked me up and I started laughing.  I got to the finish line and it was over.  I was hot, sweaty, crampy, tired, sunburned EVERYWHERE, including the backs of my legs and ready to get out of the sun.

End Result: Swim was the Swim, Bike PR, Run PW.  Not a PW overall. 

Review: One of the best races I have ever done from a a volunteer and organization perspective, but if it's always that hot, I don't think I'd do it again.

The aftermath: Had a nice dinner at a greasy pizza place with Alison's college roommate's husband and daughter, which was cool.  He is a professor at Ball State in exercise physiology, so dinner conversation was interesting and entertaining. 

The next day we headed home, and took a short detour through Elwood, IN where my grandparents and other family lived.  It was a nice walk down memory lane see all the local landmarks, check out Grampa's house and his paint store and to share the local stories with Mike.

Fun Times.

Random Running Ramblings

So, took a 6 mile run today. Here are the random thoughts the marbles knocked loose:



* Ever get a song stuck in your head and it won't fall back out? It has a name - "Ear Worm". I read it in USA today. True Story. Mine today is Paranoia by Green Day.


* I have an irrational fear of Schnauzers. I saw one today on my run that barked and snapped at me and I nearly peed myself. Other dogs? All Cool. I blame the Sheridans and their devil schnauzer Ollie, who I swear might tear your arm off.
* Why do people insist on using those wimpy retractable leashes?? Like they are really going to be able to keep their dog from lunging at me or keep them from wrapping their leash cord around my legs and giving me a rope burn. A leash is meant to tether and control your dog, not to make you tiny yippy dog look like a yoyo on a string. ARGHH!

* Speaking of dogs, I am tired of coming home to a wet spot on the couch where the dogs have been licking their butt while I'm at work. Stay.Off.The.Furniture. Why is that so hard??


* I have no idea how I would ever be able to run with a running group, I am so flipping slow. I would get dropped like a bad habit pretty much immediately.

* Today, I ran 6 miles. It felt like shit, I did a lot of run/walking and longggggggg traffic stops at corners. Somehow, it was my fastest pace yet recently and was TWO.MINUTES. per mile faster than my plan's goal pace. TWO. per MILE. That is totally odd, but I'll take it where I can get it.

* Wanna make a beautician speechless? Try asking them you miss getting perms and wonder what their thoughts are. The look on their face is priceless. I have said that to 3 different beauticians lately, and they all gave me the same look. Guess that is a no.........rats.

* It's scary how close I am to having a household where everyone is over 18. really? How did I stay so young when everyone around me got so damn OLD??

* Kids are awesome. I pass this trio of 7ish year olds on the hill in front of Cozy acres most days on my runs. They are usually standing at the top of the hill racing in some form- running, biking, skateboards, etc. They are good about seeing me trucking up the hill and they wait for me to get past them before they blow the whistle and take off. It's totally cute. The last few times, they have drawn a bike course in chalk going down the hills with several start and finish lines marked and the path they drew itself has all kinds of zigzags and right angles. Anyone who could navigate that course, my hat is off to you. I personally would break my neck. :)

* Their parents are not, however. Last week, I saw a 6ish year old blow through a stop sign on a busy-ish street. He didn't look around at all, wasn't wearing a helmet, and was barefoot. I politely scolded him in my best Mom voice and said "You really should wear a helmet and shoes, you could really get hurt!". His mother walked up form behind and yelled at me, "Mind your own business, bitch." Nice parenting. Fail.

* Loving the weather. It was 78 degrees and sunny this afternoon. I ran in short sleeves and capris and was roasting. Summer, I love you.

There's Nothing Worse Than a Reformed Anything

Let me just preface this with a story from several years ago. The boys and I and my sister Michele and her 2 (at the time) kids took a nice little trip to Denver to visit our other sister Tracy. Tracy had really adopted the whole Colorado lifestyle and was eager to show all her favorite places. She took us up to the top of some mountain -like up where the mountain goats live, which was beautiful, but the air was really really really thin and made some of feel pretty lightheaded and sick. We made some dumb wisecracks to Tracy about "Granolas" in reference to the folks we were meeting in the Denver area. Tracy was pissed and if looks could have killed, we'd all have been dead. Due I think to lack of oxygen, we found this really funny. She still doesn't find the humor in it to this day.

Today I went to a seminar in Pewaukee, WI for work. I don't sit still well and after 90 minutes in the car and 4 hours of seminar, when we broke for lunch and I saw the fried, breaded mystery meat and bacon sandwiches on big white buns and fries, I decided to take a pass, make myself a protein shake I had in the car and take a walk instead to try to get rid of the ants in my pants and be able to focus in the afternoon session. It was starting to rain, but I didn't care much - I had a waterproof coat and an umbrella and a change of shoes in the car if I needed it. It was nice to get out and about and I am part Iron after all, so I already knew I was tough enough not to melt from a few raindrops.

As I finished up and walked towards the entrance there was a little flock of ladies surrounding the entrance puffing on their cigarettes, including the girl who was sitting near me in the classroom. She gives me a look like I have 3 heads for walking around in the rain, and then she says "Don't you have sense to come in from the rain? You didn't even eat lunch!"

I replied by telling her that I had brought something to eat since I know I can't really eat the types of foods they usually serve at seminars. She then clucked her tongue and said, "Yeah I guess you must be all ORGANIC GRANOLA type of person."

My first response was to tell this bitch to suck it, but Tracy's face popped into my mind and the look on her face that day on our trip, and I just had to smile.

My response? "Granola is too high in calories, I'm more free range chicken." And I kept walking. Puff on, bitch.

My Grampa Klumpp is often quoted as saying "There's nothing worse than a reformed anything," and I think that's probably very true....... reformed couch potato, reformed fat chick, reformed smoker. He's also known for asking what the display model at the checkout is and when told it's a tester, responded with "I knew a girl like that once." But that's a story for another time.

Random Ramblings

(Week 2 of the training plan for Ironman Wisconsin and the Madison Marathon are now done SUCCESSFULLY even! WOOT for me- my worst enemy is sticking with the plan and doing all my workouts.)

So the posts are pretty sporadic here in bloggyland, as are my thoughts while out on long runs. Today was one of my first long runs for this Ironman season so here's some insight into where my brain goes as I am out on the road.

1) Seriously, is it that hard to pick up your doggie droppings from the sidewalk? I really am not a fan of hopping over it. If you take your pup for a walk, bring a baggie. And I promise I won't ask you what's in the bag when I see you carrying it back home. Well, maybe I'll ask, but I won't laugh.

2) people- it IS important to clear your walks so they are passable. I am amazed at the people who clear about a 6 inch path. And your corners? Yes you do have to shovel those too. I know it's a pain in the ass, I live on a corner lot myself. If you don't want the extra work, don't buy the house on the corner!

(there's a theme here, it IS Wisconsin and we've had some snow y'all)

3) Running gives you the freedom to load any weird thing you want onto your ipod playlists. How else would I be able to cram Schoolhouse Rock, Leo Sayer (you make me feel like dancin), Snoop Dogg, and Toby Keith onto the same playlist?? All you gotta say is they have the right beat for your cadence and you can add any old weird thing onto the list.

4) I am trying to quickly lose that 30ish pounds that have crept back on the past couple years. I am doing Medifast 5+1 Lean and Green. Now that I am ramping up the time and distance a bit, I am skating the edge of bonking more often. I need to figure something out, it's only gonna get worse. Would it be wrong to carry lunchmeat in my pocket since it would be too hard to bring a shake (LOL)?

5) Anyone else notice that Google Reader has pretty much killed commenting on other blogs much? I love the Reader because I can easily keep track of everyone's new entries, but I also rarely comment anymore and I miss it. I also miss exploring who is on everyone else's blogroll and finding new gems to follow.

6) Funny how over 32 degrees feels like heat wave in the spring, but anything under 50 in the fall feels like Alaska. It was like 35 out today. I saw a guy on a motorcycle. With no gloves on either. WTF. Wow.

See ya soon folks. My bloggy muscles are a little rusty like the rest of me, but I hope to get back to more frequent entries.

Crossing the Bridge

For the past week or so, I have watched my youngest son flounder a little bit as he tries to find himself some semblance of a life after football. Several days, I came home from work to find him ambling around the house looking for something to do or taking a catnap on the couch. I know it has to be an adjustment for him. For the past 4 years, he has been involved week-in and week-out in one form of structured athletic program or another – football practices and games, off-season lifting programs, other programs to increase speed, explosiveness, and form, and training camps. Every week had a purpose and every day had a specific goal. Someone else planned your life and you lived up to their expectations and did what they asked, you worked the program and proved yourself as a solid reliable performer.

For the last 4 years, we have watched as he has matured in to a solid, muscular athlete, a formidable presence on the field. He has honed his nutrition to maximize his muscle base. He has watched his fluid intake to stave off performance deficits. He has heeded the advice of his coaches in building muscle and strength the right way, through hard work and not synthetic hormones or chemical quick fixes. He has worked hard and followed the program to a T, and now he has reached a crossroads.
Now things have changed dramatically. No one is telling Lucas how, when, or where to exercise. He has lots of tools he can use, but no instruction anymore. This is the first of what will be many opportunities to transition from the “kid world” of taking direction from others into “grown up land” where you take the tools you have been taught along the way and find your own way in the world and trust that you have the tools and training needed to succeed.
I don’t always give my kiddos the room to show off how adult they are becoming, but I am trying to release the reins and let them fly on their own. Some days are harder than others, but you have to have faith in the universe to make itself right.

Last week it started to happen. A few days last week, I came home to hear from Lucas that he had gone running. He ran from our house to Franklin and back (just shy of 2 miles). No one prompted him to di it, he just slid on some shoes and took off. He was pretty proud of himself and posted on his facebook that he was "a workout warrior." Friday, while driving home I passed him as he took off down the hill towards Franklin. I gave him the high sign out my car window and nodded to myself with pride. My boy was running. Cool beans.

Over the weekend we talked a bit about routes, pacing strategies, building endurance. We discussed what I like to call the Pi Route, a 3.14 mile route around the neighborhood. He got lost in the description of street names and turns to take. I suggested I would show him the route sometime, not expecting him to be very interested in that.

Monday, I got home from work to find him at home, kind of antsy. Mike soon followed and Lucas gave me some needling about showing him my route. So we all got ready and off we went. I tried to explain the route to them, saying they were going to be faster than me so here are the directions. Lucas shook his head and denied he would be faster than me, but deep down I knew he would be. Lucas and Mike jogged with me a while, Lucas turning and running backwards, basically chugging it for my benefit.

Before long he and Mike were up ahead. I pushed myself to keep them in sight, able to hold about a half a block behind them for much of the way. I was determined to keep up so I pushed myself as hard as I could and kept moving. As Lucas crested the final big hill leading to home (the last 0.1 mile), I finally lost sight of him, able only to see his head bobbing up over the crest of hill occasionally if I kept speeding up a bit. As I crested the hill myself, I saw that Mike and Lucas were doubling back up that last 0.1 mile to run me in to finish. So there you have it- my boy ran his first 5K. And he smoked me, but was a class act enough to come back and run sweeper for his poky old mom.

Now I have a new goal. My kiddo has the running bug. He broke that first 5K barrier and will only keep getting faster (He did after all go from nothing to a 5K in less than 2 weeks of steady running.....). Lucas is my new pace bunny. I will work to build my own endurance and speed back up to keep him in my sights and never again lose him over the crest of a hill. It's pretty likely too lofty a goal, but just the same I am so proud to have been there for and influenced what is really the birth of a runner. He had the tools all along, he just needed that nudge to pull them out of his toolbox and figure out a way to use them. All by himself an grown-up-like.

It's ON now, pace bunny. Look out for momma.

Maybe you'll even take up cycling and swimming, then we can really play hardball!

Spririt of Racine Half Ironman - Random Thoughts and Ramblings

What can I say about SORT? This was my third Half Iron Distance event and the second time I have completed this particular course. I have been calling this a catered training day all summer, so I really didn't put a lot of thought into planning this day or strategizing. My goals for this day were simple:

* Better last years time for this course

* Try not to be DFL (That would be dead freaking last to the uninitiated, yo)

* Get an idea where I need to expend the greatest effort in the last 8 weeks of training for IMoo.

This year, we opted to stay in Janesville and commute the 80ish minutes to the expo and the race. It was cheaper than staying in a hotel getting nervous, we didn't have to leave our home vulnerable to the big ideas of teenage boys home alone on a weekend, and we got to sleep in my own bed instead of tossing and turning in a cruddy hotel bed. Although it made for a lot of time in the car, overall I think it was a good move this year. Except for the nearly an hour we spent in a traffic jam outside Alpine Valley caught up in concertgoers for the Dave Matthews Band, that was a little rough...

The race itself? Overall, I'm feeling pretty good. The swim was point to point with the current, so it felt really fast. In Google Earth, it measured 1.1 miles instead of 1.2 miles, but whatever - it was close. it will be tough to compare to last year because last year there were fog and cold issues with Lake Michigan an the course was moved in at the last minute and was way short. this year, it took off farther up the beach and ended further down the beach, so was longer than last year. The buoys were placed close enough to shore that it was about waist to chest deep through out which prompted a lot of people walking instead of swimming.

My swim wave was huge, and I mean GINORMOUS! They sent off a group of women that included all women 35 and older and Athenas. We counted up from the results that that meant our wave was over 250 women. It felt like a mob scene and I actually had to stop and collect myself 3 times when I got punched (PUNCHED!!!) in the face by other swimmers. I swam over people and swam over myself. At one point I took a forward stroke and ended up punching another lady square in the crotch.......that couldn't have felt good.

actually, i think this was a good experience because it was good practice for the in-water mass start for IMWI known affectionately as the "Washing machine." I now know I ca take a solid punch and keep going.

The Bike? I felt awesome on the bike. Sweet Lucy didn't let me down at all. I remember last year thinking people were crazy for calling this a flat course, and this year I really did fl like it was a FLAT course. There were just a couple of hills to conquer. I stayed in the big chainring the whole time and just hammered it as fast as I could.

The drafting packs I saw coming at me from the previous waves and fast riders were pretty ridiculous. I can't imagine if you got swallowed up by one of the peletons it would be easy to break free as they were big and fast. Being more toward the back of the pack, I had not a lot to worry about from a drafting POV. I lost time at the 45 mile water station when i stopped to pee, but it had to be done. Pulling up sweaty spandex bike shorts is no easy feat!

The Run? Here is where I identified my weakness as if I didn't already know. Once off the bike, i could not motivate myself to make my legs hurt enough to run. Could not make myself do it. First I was going to just walk a half mile and start running, then it was a mile, then I would take a couple blocks of running and peter out. I saw Jen Brady pass me early on starting her second loop and she was running like a freaking gazelle. I watched person after person fly by me as I tried to muster the weakest of shuffles. I knew at some point I would pass Alison, and then Mike, and then Phil so I tried to run until I saw them so they wouldn't see me walking. What happened in actuality was as soon as I saw them in the distance, I would start to run and then I would stop for a "walk break" that lasted until I saw the next SWATtie coming along and then the fake out would begin again. Pretty sure I was fooling no one but myself, but whatever.

This is a double out and back half marathon course, much like her big sister IMWI. For those that don't know, you go out a quarter of the distance, turn around and comeback a quarter of the distance, go to about 50 yards of the finish line and turn around to start the second half of the half marathon and do it all again. It.totally.sucks. Last year, I got all weepy at the turnaround by the finish line and this year was no different. I cannot express how heartbreaking it is to see the finish line and know you are only HALF done. And to make it worse, people are shouting "you're almost there" and "way to finish!" and any number of encouraging finisher phrases because they don't know you are not headed to the finishers chute.

This is where I wish I had family or friends that were actually interested in spectating these events. it would be such a lift to have some say "you're doing great, we love you, and we can't wait for you to get back here!" or better yet, to be out on the course (which is decidedly sparser once most of the field has finished their second loop) and offer encouraging words that are meaningful.

I go to a very dark place on these second lonely loops. You see a lot of people you don't know saying things that sound trite and disingenuous but are intended to be encouraging. it really does the opposite to me. I hear someone say "Looking good!" and I struggle to smile and have to stifle a "Bite me."

Once I got to the the second turnaround for the final 5K, I begin to count the number of people who are behind me and calculating a) whether I would make the cutoff time and b) how many runners were behind me, who looked like they would have started with me or after me on the swim (basically old women, fat women, and old men), and how likely they were to catch up to me and beat me to the finish. I counted 11 people behind me. That doesn't mean they were slower than me necessarily as they could have started later, but they were behind me at any rate giving the illusion of besting them.

So, the run was mostly a walk. I knew Phil was walking up ahead of me about a mile ahead after the first 5K, and I tried for a while to catch up to him, but since he is about 10 feet tall with legs up to his neck, i just could not get it done.

Funny thing:

*On the run, I stopped to use a potty at an aid station. I opened the door to find some tall guy standing at the urinal with his pecker in his hands. I shut the door quick and then had to stand there and wait, then look him in the face when he came out of the john....... Had I not been so tired I would have been able to come up with something funny to say, but honestly WHO doesn't know how to lock the door behind them in a unisex portapotty??

*one of the things I chanted to myself on loop 2 was "You can all kiss my double out and back ass." Like a mantra, over and over. In hindsight, inappropriate and kind of weirdly funny. Glad there was no one around to hear THAT!

* On my last pass through the aid station, a teenage girl held up a huge tray of Oreos. I grabbed some in both hands said "I LOVE you!" and pecked her on the cheek. Pretty likely she thought I was crazy.

What comes next:

*I was not DFL. But I definitely need to spend some time on the run miles. Apparently, not running more the 5-10 miles a week since a half marathon in May did not prepare me to run a half at the end of a HIM. Who knew?

* Ride that IM course several more times. Learn where I can turn it on and where I need to conserve myself.

*Figure out the nutrition thing for going long. I didn't eat nearly enough and had no plan for meeting my calorie needs which had a lot to do with running out of gas on the run. I wasn't bonking, but I was not fueled right either.

(We stopped on the way home at Rocky Rococos for the best.pizza.ever. Muy deliciouso, Batman.)

The numbers:

Swim:

last year: 37:25 (1219/1379- 88%)

this year: 34:17 (1107/1206- 91%)

net effect: 3:08 faster

Bike:

last year: 3:32:52 - 15.8 mph (1363/1379- 99%)

this year: 3:17:29 - 17mph (1108/1196- 92%)

net effect: 15:59 faster, moved forward in the pack by 7%

Run:

last year: 3:15:29 - 14:55 min/mi (1362/1379)

this year: 3:22:30 - 15:28 min/mi (1174/1176)

net effect: 37 seconds per mile slower, lost 7:01

overall:

last year: 7:37:50 (1367/1379)

this year: 7:22:58 (1164/1176)

net effect: 14:52 faster overall improvement, but improvements on the swim were cancelled out by regression on the run.

We got work to do - Toughen Up Buttercup!

Perspective

Sometimes I am left wondering about my attachment to reality. I know you are shocked to hear that (not really.....lol). I have gone from a life of relative inactivity to the opposite extreme, and yet I still find myself feeling like a total sloth when I compare myself to the people I surround myself with socially. And by socially I mean some pretty hardcore, driven triathlete type people. People who get up early to swim or workout, bike all the time, and who give you shit if you take a rest day that wasn't on the plan because you are tired, it's rainy, or life got in the way a bit. I can always seem to find a way to compare myself to these folks and feel inferior to their skill or their perseverance.

Is that really reality?

Once in a while I get a snippet of how "regular people" see me and what I do. A few months back, Mike was bantering around with some of Lucas's friends on Facebook, talking to them about how he was willing to help them organize a summer running group. Justin referred to us as "the running gods of Janesville." As in Mike and I. Running.GODS. ....... Really? My first thought was that the poor child really should get out more and meet some folks. Most days I don't feel particularly god-like. Chugging Freight Train, maybe. Not a God.

Tonight, I was kicking myself for going for dinner and postponing a scheduled run. We ran into someone who works in the same building as Mike. He introduced to his wife, who said "Oh, you guys are THE Athletes." It really took a lot to stifle a big giggle. She called me an ATHLETE! Ha! As is athletic..... as in skilled, fast, maybe nimble even....... An.Athlete. Interesting, since I really have a hard time classifying what I do as athletic. It is slow, sometimes painful, almost always slower than those around me, hardly what I would call athletic. But I guess it is a matter of perspective and what you see as your own reality. I surround myself with people I consider athletes so that I can learn from them, draw motivation from them, and hope that someday, somehow I can achieve 1/10th their speed, strength, and stamina. But to someone who has more contact with mere mortals and not superhero types? maybe, just maybe, I might qualify to be way far in the back of the pack of what might be called athletes........

OK, you can call me an athlete, but you have to use air quotes when you say it, that's the new rule.

Vocabulary Lesson

Well folks, it's been a while since I've done much posting here instead of snarky comments on Facebook. Sorry for that. I brew up some great blog posts out on my long runs and rides, but somehow life gets in the way and I just don't find the time in the day to put those thoughts into the written word.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about what people can achieve. It seems it was not that long ago that I found myself making excuses for why I couldn't possibly do things. Going for a walk with my dogs, hopping on a bike, losing 20 pounds, doing anything active or social was pretty much out. I was plagued with excuses.... too much to do for work, too much stress in my life to participate in life rather than watch, too much I had to manage for my kids, my home, my job, my yard, my everything. "I can't," "I won't," "I'll never" were integral parts of my vocabulary.

What I've learned over the past few years, is that the only thing that holds a person back from achieving anything is the restrictions they place on themselves in their own mind.

As I was running tonight, my mind wanders. I was trying to find the motivation to keep moving and found myself repeating the same idea over and over to keep going. "You can do anything for a minute," which quickly became "for a block," "for a mile," and "until you get home." I bargain with myself a lot that way, gutting it out to the next goal and then setting new ones. I think really that is the key - setting your mind on a goal and realizing that your mind is what holds you back, not your body. My friend Alison's go-to phrase in Ironman training is "Forward is a Pace" and I find applications for that mantra almost every day.

Often I find myself in conversations with people about how I got to where I am today. I don't solicit this, because really I am still a little awkward about discussing it and the attention it brings. In my mind, it really isn't so special - anyone could do it if they were in the right frame of mind. But, with that said, if someone wants to pick my brain or find motivation, I want to encourage others to achieve for themselves. People ask how much weight I lost. When I respond with the truth - 185 pounds lost initially- I start to hear the excuses. They say "I could never do that because (insert reason)..." They ask about my training, then tell me how they could never do that because they have bad knees, bad backs, asthma, smoke too much, smoked too many years, or any other of a variety of "I can'ts."

I struggle for the right responses to this. It seems rude to tell them to stop making excuses, but really that is what I feel would be in their best interests, someone to shock them into changing their frame of reference. My response is often that it's not so special, anyone could do it if they put their mind to it..... and I honestly believe it's true.

So for the future, I think my advice will be to change your vocabulary. You aren't on a diet, you are changing your lifestyle. You aren't training for an event, you are training for your life. You need to take "can't", couldn't", and "never" out of your vocabulary, it closes your mind and only holds you back from your possibilities. Change the way you look at things - think about how you could make something happen, not about how you could NEVER make something happen.

You can't run? Fine, then walk. Can't walk? Stroll! Can't stroll? Then crawl. Can't swim laps? Do the dog paddle, go water walking, or whatever. Do what you can and make the most of it, the only thing holding you back is your mind telling you to stop, or worse that you shouldn't even start. it's a in your head and how you think about things.

You've got to start somewhere so it might as well be here.

It's business time, people!

What can I say? Its been a while since I have felt much like putting more than a few smart-mouthed comments on my Facebook page and really getting down to business.

I am currently in the last couple days of week 3 of Ironman training, which is going pretty uneventfully. I have managed to get in almost every workout, with the exception of a few swims which is directly related to a distinct lack of pool availability rather than a motivational deficiency.

I have missed only 1 run, which I think is nearly miraculous since I can find every excuse in the book not to run. I am not not fast by any means, but my big fat butt is out there pounding the pavement on a regular basis. At 14 miles per hour most of the time, which incidentally is about as fast as most people walk. Gotta start somewhere eh?

After reaching an all time high for my weight after my initial weight loss 4 years ago, I am now trending down again. Mike and I have our own version of the Biggest Loser Challenge going, complete with weekly weigh ins and last chance workouts. I of course relish any opportunity to create Excel spreadsheets with formulas and auto-calculations, so that was yet another way for me to put my mad computer skills to work. So far I am down 18 pounds in 5 weeks (next weigh in is tomorrow) with another 20 or so to go. I have even managed to win 2 of the 5 weeks.

I have spent the last week on vacation. We didn't go anywhere, but I needed to take some time off from work for my mental health, and Mike's mom was here for a visit. I think I am full up on my shopping quota for the moment. We had a great visit!

Today we took a short bike with several of the ladies from the tri club (Alison, Kitty, Brenda, Tawnya, and Mike and I). We did a loop of the old Janesville Triathlon route, which was a good mix of rolling hills and wind. We managed to get back to Kitty's just as it started to rain. We are supposed to go on a ride tomorrow in Brodhead, but who knows- it's supposed to rain all day. If that doesn't pan out, we will go to Edgerton to swim at the high school and maybe get in a run (I have 1800m swimming and a 10 mile run on the plan).

Monday is back to work and back to reality. Fitting in all I need to do for work and all I need to do to get my workouts in, be a mom, manage a house, take care of the pups, and managing everything else life throws at ya. It's time to get down to the business of being Supergirl. It's Business Time, Peeps!!

148 days til Ironman Wisconsin

(but who's counting??)

Craig's List Mysteries

What is it about Craig's List that sucks me in?

I check it a couple times a day just to see what kind of treasures I might want to buy, or for things I see for sale that might spark a memory and cause me to sell something of my own.

Frankly there is some weird stuff out there and some even stranger people selling/buying things.

*Last night, I read a posting last night. For sale was a collection of 15 headless Barbies for $10, including a picture. Um, WTF is that about? Maybe little Jimmy who hates his sister will buy it and wrap it up as a creepy little Christmas present??

*Then there was the ad for the guy who had a snowblower to give away. I can't find the ad right now but went something like this. "Snowblower to give away, tonight only. It is a giant hunk of crap and I went to blow out my driveway tonight and it doesn't work. You can pick it up from my garage at (dude's address). Knock loud since I'll be in the basement drinking. Or better yet, pick up a 6 pack and join me." That one made me laugh.

*Then there are the posts pleading for help that sound like totally fake. "I need a car but can't afford one. Can I buy yours on a payment plan?" Or the ad pleading for help for a needy family..." know a guy who lost his job and he can't provide his family with a Christmas. send me gift cards or cash and I will be sure to get them to his family." You know, I am a big proponent for charity, but come on people, do I have SUCKER written on my forehead? I donate to REPUTABLE charities, not some kind of bogus scam secret charity, thank you.

*Why do 90% of the people who post ads have ZERO ability to spell? On any given night I can see ads for "Shrits," "sirts", or my personal favorite "shits." Yes thanks, I would love to buy your used shits, thanks for asking! Some of the typos are pretty comical.

*the people who answer ads are pretty interesting too. We just a sold a bunch of stuff from our basement in the past month and some of the folks were pretty strange. There were those that acted all hot to take your item, would make arrangements to come get it then never show. Then there were the really scary folks who showed up and you had to wonder about their mental stability..... can I get them out of the house fast enough??

Well anyway I have to go. I'm sure there are some new ads posted I have to check out.....

The Marble Theorem in Action

My friend has a theory about raising boys to be men. According to her hypothesis, all the marbles fall out each boy's head at puberty which is then filled with testosterone and at some time in the late teens/early twenties, at least some of the marbles are returned to that empty head, pushing out some of that testosterone and returning some common sense to their thought processes. In the meantime, a parent can only cross their fingers and pray that no one is hurt in the interim by the absence of brain cells.

Until this afternoon, it seemed as if we might be growing nearer to that moment. And then I came home from work.

As I turned the corner to reach my driveway, I see Nick walking out to the car Lucas drives with a BIG jar of bungee cords. Um, yeah, I can hardly wait to hear this one.

me: what are you doing?
Nick: the car won't start. We are going to push it into the garage to sit and warm up.
me: and the bungees are for.........?
Nick: I was going to rig something up to the steering wheel so no one has to sit in the drivers seat while we push. (Apparently, my son has aspirations to become the next McGyver...)
me: ................. uh, I don't think that's a good plan............
Nick: (shocked look) Really?
me: What was your plan if you needed to correct the steering? Or if you need to stop? Or if it starts to roll backwards as you are pushing it with the door shut and it's going to roll over one of you?
Nick: ......... uh yeah, Didn't think of that.

Plan B is formulated. I will sit in the car and steer/brake, the boys will push.

me: OK where are the keys?
Beefy: We can't use them cuz the car won't start.
me: ....?????...... How did you intend to take the car out of park to push it in the first place??
Beefy: Yeah, I'll go get the keys.

I put the keys in the ignition, the car turns right over and I drive it into the garage. The smell of gasoline is everywhere.

Beefy: How did you start it?? I tried for like a half hour and got nothing!
me: If you touch the accelerator, you flood the engine. If you leave it alone a bit, it fixes itself. The engine was just flooded, it's not magic.

I just have to wonder about what fiasco might have transpired had I not pulled up in time to avert it. I envision a drivers seat wrapped in bungee cords flipped upside down in the ditch across the street lying on top of my children. Or maybe seeking treatment in the ED for musculoskeletal injury from pushing and pushing and pushing a car that is geared firmly in Park. Wow.

Random Olympic Thoughts

Michael Phelps is simply amazing. A God.

Dara Torres - Rock star mom swimmer. Love her.

If they call that Thorp guy "the Thorpedo" one more time I am literally going to vomit in my mouth.

Women swimmers are strangely built - no boobs, no neck, giant pipes. They could be men with nail polish and glitter shadow. But they are much neater swimmers and cut the water much more cleanly than those messy boys.

The Chinese gymnasts - they all look like 7 years old and were taken from their homes to start training at like age 4....... what is the deal with that?

When is track and field on? I am ready for some running races. And the tri team.

Weekend Update: The Horribly Hilly Half Hundred

Friday morning, Alison and I did a 25ish mile bike ride. I always enjoy having someone to hang with on the bike so I was glad she called and the rain held off while we were out there. Here are the details.
Later Friday, Mike and I rode the school bus to Middleton to chaperone the Parker linemen to All Pro Lineman camp. The boys were good and we were able to get in a run on the track at Bishop O'Connor Center. The track there is not great -dirt and gravel- and not maintained well so there was a lot of ruts and plant life on the track making for a challenge. I was doing my own bastardized version of the Galloway method (running 3/4 of each lap and then walking the last 1/4), stopping a few times to watch the BeefCake in action on the field when I could find him. I got in just short of 6 miles (my goal was 8) before I felt a little tweak in the left knee and decided to stop and stretch, calling it day. They ate their half of a Rocky Rococo pizza to celebrate the end of camp (Thanks Coach Dye!) and we were on the way home.
Saturday, we took a rest day and got ready for the SWAT party that we hosted at our house. It was a lot of fun to get together with everyone and Mike makes a killer beer brat. Pictures can be seen here.
Today we took a long bike with Alison. We wanted to do 50ish miles of something different, so we looked up a route on MapMyRide.com that went through Cooksville, Evansville, and Magnolia Bluff. Holy Moly - it was about the hilliest ride I have ever done. I rarely get off my bike with jelly legs and I was feeling the hills for a couple hours afterwards. Not only was it suck-the-life-out-of-you hilly, it was also pretty windy and thought for a while a rain cloud was going to pour on us but it held off for an hour or so after we got back. And as usual, now that we are done, I can say it was a good ride and I'm glad I did it.
Went to Madison in the afternoon (since the rain ruled out a good OWS) and picked up some replacement pads for my tri-bars, an aerobottle for my beloved Hubba Bubba (that's the Diva, not my hubby), and a couple other miscellaneous things - Suit Juice, etc.
Thought we were going to Rockport for some evening laps but when we got there it was closed, I'm sure because it was coolish today and sprinkly/cloudy. It's funny to see Mike all jazzed up to swim and then pout because he couldn't......... who'd have thought THAT would ever happen?

You know you've missed my pictures, So here you go!

This morning we got Lucas off to his drive time for Drivers Ed, then headed to Madison to pick up our race packets at the Expo.

Here is the free stuff (minus all the stupid flyers and discount cards). Not much, but we DID get a free cowbell!

Here' the shirt. Tech tee. Cool. The back says finisher so I can't try it on til the race is over. Bad mojo and all that. Mike is pouting because the XL is none too XL.

We found a few things to buy. Here is the graphic on the shirts we bought to wear tomorrow. Pretty sweet.

Yeah. They pretty much saw us coming a mile away. Picked just a few necessities- new lucky Balega socks, the brat shirts, a pair of Race Ready compression shorts for me with a pink zip case for my Fuel Belt to store some of my favorite paper products tomorrow, a gel flask for Mike and the new Caffeinated Sports Beans and some Shot Blocks.

After the Expo we headed up to the Capital Square for the Farmers Market. There was lots of good stuff to eat, and freaky people to watch- Granolas with blond ratty dreadlocks and tie dye tshirts, Bible thumpers preaching the Apocalypse and shaking signs around, and some sort of impromptu anti-war musical/play on the lawn of the Capital building. We ate some yummy stuff but the only thing we brought home was a free bumper sticker for Beefcake's new car. He was thrilled by the way. We stopped at this great nursery on the way home and picked up some great flowers for the house.

Here are the 2 ginourmous hanging baskets for the back deck. What I like best? Petunias are pretty hard to kill. Important stuff for my house.

Big planter for the front step. Matches the siding.
To the far left, we got some hanging bags full of wave petunias to hang from the lights and you can see the planter too on the right. Rascal's rock garden ready to bloom any time now. Looks great with the construction backdrop from the Parker school renovation wouldn't you say?

One of many artsy fartsy shots. I'll spare you the rest.

The very first Clematis bloom of the year form the trellis. There's like a hundred more ready to pop.


Proof positive the Mike "I'm not grouchy" Wimmer always looks grouchy and always says he's not. Always.


My 2 favorite dogs chillin in the back yard, Daisy and Maddy. Also known these days as Fanny Fat Ass and Betty Big Butt.

Well here's a new one (ladies only)

First things first- if you have XY chromosomes, click here.

There. that should occupy them for a while. We alone now? Good.

So........... now that's it's just us girls, here is my question O the day. When you do a marathon for say, 5-6 hours, where do you keep your spare ....... feminine products without sweating them all up before you need them? Never been an issue before, guess I've been lucky.

I'm thinking duct tape spare tampax to the back side of my race number.... would that be stupid? I'm open to suggestions here ladies, help a sister out!

Back in the Saddle Again

Today I took short slow run after 9 days of rest from running. This was intentional - I was trying to give my IT band a rest and see if it helped with pain. I had to try SOMETHING..... there's this marathon in like 12 days and it would be nice to be in some sort if injury-free state so I can attempt to finish it instead of sitting at Bratfest waiting for Mike to come over the timing mat. I could eat a lot of brats in 5-6 hours, especially if I am feeling sorry for myself for missing a race.

So anyhow I prepared to run by popping in my Yoga for Athletes DVD and doing about 35 minutes of yoga as a pre-run stretch. I took it very easy, did a little walking and waited for the familiar pain twinges to set in. Funny thing was they never really kicked in. I was a little sore from time to time, but nothing like the searing pain that has led to my extreme frustration these last few weeks that rendered me virtually unable to complete my final build in volume for the Madison Marathon. Now that I am feeling a little better, I should be tapering.

Anyone have suggestions where I should be going with these last 12 days? I frankly am at a loss. I am resolved to go for it, be undertrained, and hope for the best.

I also took the pups in for their checkups. Daisy, my 10 year old ESS, got a clean bill of health. They said she's old (DUH) and she has a chipped tooth (probably from holding rocks in her mouth from time to time). Maddy is also a pretty healthy girl too. She's about 3 1/2, and still acts like a dumb puppy, but age is catching up to her a little too. I noticed when I gave them their spring buzz cut that her hiney was a bit larger than when I shaved her in the fall. Well after setting Betty Big-Butt on the scale, we saw the cold hard truth - 56 pounds! That is an 11# gain (24%!!!) since her last visit 10 months ago. Time for Maddy to quit eating both bowls of food when her sister's not looking. Also started her on a little doggy Detrol to address her little "leakage" issues. We shall see if that works.

Getting to the vet was interesting. Maddy is a nervous car rider and requires an empty stomach and some dramamine for every trip, no matter how short. The last time we went to the vet, she barfed 3 times on the way there (the vet is about 6-7 miles away). Today, we got to within sight of the building before she let the first (and only) gutload loose. YEAH! AND she didn't puke at all on the way home. Double yeah! If your interested, the Toyota Matrix is a godsend for those with queasy dogs - when you fold the seats down, the surface is hard plastic - no carpet- making cleanup a breeze. On the downside, braking and turning sends them skidding across the car. It's also pretty little and one of my dainty girls was letting some RANK nervous farts, so it was kind of like rolling down the road in a mobile latrine.

Confessions of a Drama Queen

Okay, so here is my confession. When I was really little, our kitchen had an oven that was set into the wall across from my place at the table. The front of it was reflective and I spent nearly every meal looking at myself in the oven door, making faces, and generally not paying attention to what was going on at the table. My mother finally got so sick of it, she would cover the oven door at dinner so I couldn't vamp it up all through the meal.
I haven't really had a big problem with that for a long time. That is, until I discovered the webcam feature on my new laptop. Basically I can set it so I can have a little streaming live video of myself the whole time I am puting. Which is dangerous. I find myself looking at what I am doing, all.the.time. AND taking pictures of myself puting. And making goofy faces. And fixing my hair. And thinking about what I could take a picture of myself doing next. And......you get the picture.
I am really not sure how to fix this. Maybe my mom should come and put a towel over the webcam so life can get back to normal.

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This weekend, Mike and the boys went trout fishing, so I was home alone. I did some picking up around the house, did a bunch of laundry, got caught up on all the shows I had DVRed, and trimmed the dogs nails. (Sounds exciting so far, eh?) Friday night I watched Martian Child from the spinner (pretty good movie). Saturday, my planned bike ride with the SWAT team got rained out (boo) and my parents stopped over to get caught up (they got back from snowbirding in Costa Rica on 5/1, first I had seen them since Christmas). I got some shopping done in the rain, including buying a foam roller with a video for some pressure massage for my knee (anyone have any good tips?). I watched 27 Dresses from the spinner (great chick movie!).
Today, I got up and went to breakfast with my sister and her kids, and my parents. After I got home, I worked up the courage to go out on my long run, a scheduled 18 miler of long slow distance.
I made sure I had plenty of fluids (water and Gatorade Endurance), some Sharkies, some sports beans, and a goo. I took some naproxen about an hour before, I stretched and stretched. I made sure I had my phone and I took off. The first several miles were OK, I took it easy and tried not to watch the time. I walked a little bit at first, but not too bad- I always seem to have a hard time getting started anymore. I got to about mile 5 and it started to get kind of uncomfortable so I walked more and ran less. I was able to stop for water refill and potty at the hospital, and took off again. Since that area was pretty flat, I decided just to zigzag back and forth through the neighborhood at about 50/50% walk/run. The discomfort was pretty constant but not really bad, I ran as much as I could then walked until it was better, then ran again. About mile 10, I was thinking I was doing pretty good that the pain was just a dull annoyance and had really not gotten worse so I started planning the rest of my zigzag route. I stopped to cross the street and walk a bit at about mile 10.5 and as soon as I started walking the knee hurt BAD. I decided to just give up the ghost and walk home for fear of making a bad situation worse. I limped for a while, especially on the downhills (think driveways and crosswalks), and it gradually loosened up and felt a little better. It was barely a twinge when I got home. I stretched more, iced it for about an hour, and now I rest on the sofa. Feeling pretty good now, we'll see what tomorrow brings. Wanna see the ugly details and graphs? Click here for the BIM post.
We are 21 days from the marathon. My plan is to take it kind of easy until then (with just one more long run next weekend) and other than that, focus on bike and swim, yoga, and foam rolling like mad. I will start the marathon. If I can't run it, I will walk it after I have to stop running. There is a 6 hour cap on the event, so i will either a) finish just under the wire, b) get scooped up by support because I have no hope of finishing in time, or c) flag down course support and eat brats at Johnsonville Bratfest until Mike gets done. Let's all cross our fingers for option A shall we?